I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
