There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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