i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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