I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame