You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't