how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.