Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats