Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza