... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize