I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
