I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
