the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
