Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
