You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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