I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
