false alarm. still invincible.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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