I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
