1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
