i need an iv and a liver transplant
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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