it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Say something about gay babies.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
