Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
