OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
