Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
