My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
