Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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