You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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