i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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