there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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