oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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