All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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