I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
