matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
