they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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