I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
