Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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