I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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