i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Couch. On fire.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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