That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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