I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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