You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
