Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
