ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
