new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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