My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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