Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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