If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
