You're my little dorito
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
