people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
