You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
