So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
