im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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