Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
