I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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