I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Two words: blizzard sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
