so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
