We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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