Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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