i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
