Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's never too late to be topless.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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