I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
