I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
