Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
