The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I smell like Dick and happiness
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
